A Very Dark Gothic Tale of Vampiric Love: IV

Fearless Vampire Killers.

The following night both Charlotte and Cornelius sat on a bench in the gnome-ridden garden. To anyone passing by, had there been anyone, the scene could have been that of two close friends talking, a romantic relation even. In reality they were both hiding from Shadow, whom they were stuck with now that Lord Nightstalker was no longer among the almost-living.

It turned out Charlotte's workaholic parents had thought she spent the previous night at a friend's house. She didn't feel the need to correct them and asked to stay another night. Convincing them to let her stay was no feat. Being a nice teenager finally paid off.

With Lord Nightstalker's death fresh in memory, Charlotte was still shaken. She felt much better after a bath, but dealing with Shadow had been a nightmare.

Suffice to say the odd couple didn't hide in the gardens without reason.

"It's really nice here," Charlotte commented, looking around. "Except for the gnomes, I mean," she added as an afterthought and pulled the red shawl Cornelius had found somewhere in his fortress and gifted to her, tighter around herself in protection against the bitter night cold.

"I guess," Cornelius said, glancing up at his magnificent estate. "It's... just like what a vampire's home should look like, don't you think?"

Picking up his less than enthusiastic vibe, Charlotte frowned. "What's wrong?"

"My wives made me get this place," he confessed. "Before that I was quite content with my flat. I travelled a lot too. When I came here, I was so bored I fell asleep for nine years."

"You could have said you didn't want a castle, couldn't you?"

"Hah!" Cornelius let out a short bark of laughter. "I did. You try to quarrel with three women."

Charlotte had to admit he had a point. "I didn't know you were allowed to take several wives."

"You're not exactly allowed to go around feeding on the lifeblood of others either," Cornelius mused. "Now, I'm not a bigamist, really. I only had three of them because it was in mode at the time. Every vampire in the movies at the time had three wives. Luckily it was a fad. Bigamous relationships bring loads of trouble."

"Trouble?"

The vampire swallowed uncomfortably before answering. "Among other things, three wives mean three mother-in-laws."

"I presume that's bad?" Charlotte said.

"It also means thrice the banter," Cornelius started, getting to his feet. Revisiting the memories did him no good. It'd take years of therapy to get over them. He chuckled nervously. "Holy garden gnome, how they would bicker! All day! All night! Non-stop!"

"Are you okay?" Charlotte inquired softly. Seeing Cornelius in distress was strangely upsetting.

He ran a hand through his hair. "No wonder why so many male vampires willingly ended themselves during that fad... I mean, what were we thinking?" He shuddered, calmer now and sat down. "Never again!"

"No offense," Charlotte started, "but how come you had three wives when you're so clueless at dating?"

Whatever Cornelius was about to say disappeared from his mind when a complaining female voice cut through the darkness: "Guys? Where are you?"

Both vampire and human ducked beneath the bench they had been sitting at. In lack of a better hiding place it had to suffice. Only it didn't. When Shadow walked into view, her face obscured by the veil she insisted on wearing after waking to find her beautiful face bruised from Nightstalker's rough silencing methods, she noticed them at once.

"What are you doing under there?"

Charlotte and Cornelius shot each other panicked looks, and the vampire scrambled for words. "We... I mean... I just thrive in the darkness. I like the dark. It's dark under here. Definitely."

Shadow sighed. "You're so emo it's not even hot."

"Alright, I admit it, I lost a contact lens," Cornelius said.

"You use contacts? What kind of vampire are you?" Shadow scoffed. She was already shaking with cold, and turned nonchalantly to walk back into the magnificent castle. "I can't believe I am stuck with you two until my darling Nicky comes back."

Now Charlotte and Cornelius exchanged guilty looks.

"My Nicky, now that is a proper vampire," Shadow finished.


It had been a trying night, so when Cornelius had to retreat to his crypt, Charlotte crawled to bed at once. But midday, her sleep was interrupted by someone tapping on her door. When she got up and opened her bedroom door to find out what Cornelius and/or Shadow wanted at this ungodly hour, there was no one there. And the tapping continued.

At last her tired mind made the connection, and she made her way downstairs to the mighty front doors. She opened them, still half asleep and looked out at a group of men, dressed like cowboy-steampunk-hunter-guys. She stared at them.

"Who are you?"

"Vampire hunters," their leader announced in an overly dramatic manner, "come here to save you from the dead fiend of the night!"

"Oh," said Charlotte, already about to close the doors. "As much as I appreciate the effort, it's not really needed."

And that was when the group of vampire hunters forced their way in. Charlotte woke up in an instant. "Hey! You're trespassing!" she protested, grabbing the shoulders of the closest man. "Get out, I'm fine! Anybody could handle this vampire."

The man brushed her off with ease and the hunters looked at each other. The leader nodded. "She's under his spell," he concluded.

"No, I'm serious! He's not dangerous, just... horribly misinformed!" Charlotte stared at the four men. They were vampire hunters. Everybody knows what vampire hunters do to vampires. And she had let them into the castle. Oh god. "Cornelius is harmless, I promise! He reads vampire fics online, and, and he sings! I think he likes musicals - he even enjoys gardening!"

They all stared.

"I think she's delirious too," the youngest-looking man in the group commented.

The leader looked distraught a moment. "Fear not, young maiden! I, the vampire hunter Abe van Jaeger shall save you!" he announced with great drama. While Charlotte tried to figure out why he insisted on speaking like the role-playing nerds in class, he used her momentarily distraction to kiss her hand, all gallantly. Great, she thought, wiping her hand on her black gothic nightgown.

There were too many of them for her to handle alone. Judging from how easily Cornelius had been defeated by Nightstalker, she would have to do this alone. Besides, it was daytime. He'd be reduced to cinders if he walked into the sun.

Okay, the plan: divide the group, take them out one by one and then dump their sorry arses outside. It shouldn't be too hard, at the moment they seemed blissfully unaware that the fair maiden they wanted to save wasn't buying into their bullshit act.

"Alright, reconvene over here!" Abe van Whatever said, turning dramatically. His trenchcoat swished around him, much like Nightstalker's cloak had swished. Each move was carefully chosen to maintain the cool image. Charlotte's dislike of him was growing rapidly.

"Okay," he continued, flicking his perfectly styled maple syrup brown shoulder-length hair over his shoulder, "we know where the bloodsucker rests, but let's wait till nightfall so he can kill off some minor characters before the hero stakes him."

"Yeah," said one of the men. "We wouldn't want to bother him during the day when he's defenceless and sleeping."

They are going to kill him, Charlotte realised. They're actually...

Cornelius might be a vampire, but no one had the right to waltz in and murder him. Especially not this wannabe Van Helsing.

"I need some time," van Jaeger said, winking at Charlotte. "Got to let the damsel in distress fall in love with me."

"I'm barely seventeen!" Charlotte exclaimed.

The vampire hunters looked at Charlotte, and then at the head vampire hunter. Abe van Jaeger had a glamorous raggedy look about him, and there was a strange sheen on his skin, like he had had work done. No way was he a day younger than 35.

"It's okay as long as you look older," he concluded.

"But I don't!"

"Anyway..." Van Jaeger brushed over the minor problem and turned to his fellow psychos. "Paul, hand over the weapon's bag."

Paul, the youngest member of the group did as he was told. Van Jaeger, vampire hunter ordinaire, opened the bag - and sighed heavily. "I distinctly remember I told you to pack the stakes, that's S-T-A-K-E-S, not steaks."

Suddenly Charlotte didn't fear so much for Cornelius any longer. What vampire wouldn't be able to handle these nitwits? Her hopes were shot down immediately - obviously a vampire who based his view of reality on really awful fictional works written by hormonal teenagers.

"Are you guys for real?" she asked, coming up to them.

"Of course we're real!" Paul answered. "See guys, I said she was delirious!"

"That's not what I meant, dumbass," Charlotte growled. As her anger built up, she felt somewhat strange. "See, the vampire you're planning to kill, he's a person. Yes, he kidnapped me, I know, and while it might only be the Stockholm syndrome messing with my head, he's actually a nice -"

"Darling... um, whats-your-name," van Jaeger said. "He is evil."

Charlotte didn't react when the strange man calling her darling. But when he allowed himself to reach out and touch her cheek in what would have been considered a loving or caring manner hadn't he been way older than her, then, boy did she react.

Abe von Jaeger had no idea what hit him, or rather, why he was airborne. The fleeting sensation was okay, fun even - he was flying! - until he hit the stone floor. Charlotte had grabbed his arm, spun around and heaved him over her back, ultimately slamming him onto the floor in front of her. Then, for good measure, she stomped on his hand and he yelped. Karate was paying off.

The three other vampire hunters looked at her, wide eyed. Charlotte advanced on them, still feeling strange, disconnected somewhat. The bite wound Cornelius' teeth had left on her arm, started to throb horrendously underneath the bandage she had improvised earlier.

"Get out before I heave you out the door!" she declared boldly to the vampire hunters, who were already backing away from her, and then she promptly fainted.

Next part this way.